The Collaborative Conversation Framework: Resolving Conflict

Even when two people who encounter a conflict situation are open to working together on a solution, it can be difficult or awkward to know where to start. This framework provides structure to the conversation and help keep the resolution in sight and the conversation on track. It might be simple framework, but it still requires effort and mindfulness by at least one party to get the most out of this collaborative approach.

The Framework has five steps: Invitation, Connection, Exchange, Agreement and Reflection.

Invitation

This starting point is for checking self-awareness and checking the awareness of others, for readiness and understanding. Initiate contact and set up an environment for having a collaborative conversation. For example, asking the person if the have 15 minutes, 30 minutes now, or at what time for a chat. Suggest the time and place, check if that alright with them.

Strategies:

• Express your collaborative intention and motivation to resolve differences to the mutual benefit of both parties
• Listen attentively and express yourself clearly
• Keep a positive attitude and remaining future focused

 

Connection

Start with the other person’s state of heart/mind and also share yours. This is the opportunity to clarify what needs to be resolved or discussed during this conversation. It’s important to create a connection with the other person to lay the groundwork for an open, collaborative conversation. Beginning with valuing the other persons’ physical and emotional state. Creating connection also includes taking care of your own well-being and fostering an atmosphere of openness.

Strategies:

• Be present, be prepared to be in the conversation and nowhere else
• Invite the other person to share their perspective with respect to what they want to resolve.
• Listen actively when the other person is speaking to ensure you understand
• Combining the gathered topics into a list of things to talk about and resolve.
• Check for clarity while depersonalizing what they have said.

Use phrases like:

• “What do you think…”
• So it’s more about how we’ll work together…
• What, if anything would you like us to cover in this conversation?
• So, it sounds like you need some clarification about where I was coming from (in respect to complaint)…

Exchange

This is when both parties equally share relevant information and build shared meaning about the conflict or issue. Exchanging information might include talking about some aspects of the conflict that happened in the past. Exploring the history of the issue might help each person understand what’s important to them and why. As information is exchanged its important to frame is in a way that supports the collaborative conversation, such as avoiding defensive or judgemental way of expressing how you feel.

Strategies:

• State and check your assumptions and the other person’s assumptions
• Look for common ground, shared values or difficulty
• Clarify the interpretation of words and phrases
• Listen actively and continue to check for understanding
• Summarize what is important to both parties

Use Phrases like:

• I realize that…
• Here’s what’s happening for me – I feel               because…
• What I apologize for is the approach I took
• I get that…
• I never wanted to create that (negative feeling)
• I want to assure you (paraphrase)
• My intention was…
• We cant change what happened but I’m glad we’re having this conversation now and learning from it
• How comfortable are you now about where I was coming from?
• How do we want to work together?

 

Agreement

Co-create possible solutions and choose a solution that meets both your needs. A satisfactory outcome usually includes a resolution of some or all the issues in dispute. It might include decision-making, apologizing, creating a plan and reconciling negative feelings. Try and generate as many mutually-satisfying solutions as possible – based on what’s important to both. 

Strategies:

• Invite brainstorming
• Evaluate the options and check for fairness to ensure the needs of both parties are met.
• Choose one or a combination of options that work for parties.
• Form an action plan: who, what, when, where, how – and work out the details

Some Phrases to use:

• One idea that I had…
• Thank you for that…
• What other ideas do you have
• To put a final box around what we’re saying…

 

Reflection

Once you’ve engaged in the collaborative process, it’s helpful to reflect on the process, what worked and what didn’t. Ask yourself how well did you connect with the other person, what would they say about the way we engaged in conversation? At this time you can also set a time to check back in with each other regarding the agreement, summarize what you’ve talked about and confirm your agreements. Using a summary statement can help wrap up the conversation.

 

 

 

Reference:

Centre for Conflict Resolution. (2021). Foundations of Collaborative Conflict Resolution: CRES-1100. Justice Institute for British Columbia, Centre for Conflict Resolution.